A biologist once told me that wild boar have absolutely no redeeming qualities — until I gave him a Bad Leather Goods bag.

The man was right. Besides the fact that their unusually dense skin makes for unusually tough leather, these animals are bad on every possible level: bad for America’s people, plants, pets, livestock, wildlife, soil, water, and even the microbes that live in our dirt are negatively affected by them.

Even those microbes, after all, are supposed to be here. A lot of animals that are sometimes considered pests, like deer and snails, are nonetheless from this place.

But as an invasive, non-native menace, wild boar cause problems that other pests don’t: the soil, plants, and roots didn’t evolve to handle the way they dig and eat; they reach breeding age quickly and give birth year round; they’re adapted to surviving on almost anything; and they’re low on natural predators.

They might seem like a good meal for a wolf or bear, but they’re far smarter than their average prey, much harder to hunt, and more widespread than potential predators. Their intelligence makes them extremely hard even for humans to hunt them: they’re good at avoiding traps, and they quickly learn to avoid areas where they’re tracked.

The terminology differs throughout the world, but in the United States, “wild boar” and “feral swine” are used interchangeably to describe a beast that’s good for absolutely nothing but making really cool, really tough leather.

Some are descendents of pigs that were purposely released by Spanish explorers, and others escaped from captivity just one or two generations ago. Their genetics aren’t consistent from pig to pig, but if you’re wondering why they look almost nothing like the pink pigs you’ve seen on farms, well… you know how they say goldfish will grow to the size of their tank? 

It turns out that’s not true, but pigs have some unusual genes that activate when they’re out of captivity: their hair becomes coarser, their teeth become tuskier, and their behavior becomes more aggressive. They’re known for attacking and killing livestock like calves, lambs, and even vulnerable adult animals while they’re giving birth. 

And without anyone slaughtering them by a certain age, wild hogs can grow to incredible sizes — our tanner has made leather from boar weighing 800 pounds.

Wild boar: smart like Velociraptors, aggressive like baboons, and huge like bears. No thanks.

According to the US Department of Agriculture, feral swine cause some $2.5 billion in damage to US agriculture every year. 

They cause $36 million in annual damage just through vehicle collisions. That’s not including train and aircraft damage, which they also cause: once, some hogs collided with an F-16 jet as it was trying to take off from a Florida airfield, and it caused a crash that cost $16 million.

We’re so passionate about how bad these animals are that this post is in danger of reaching thousands of words long, so let’s switch to bullet points.

• Soil: The way they root and poop can alter soil chemistry and pH, decrease soil nutrients, limit water infiltration, negatively affect plant regeneration, increase the growth of weeds, which can all make it much harder for farmers to grow produce.
  
• Biodiversity: Where wild boar go, the number of species in the area reliably decreases. Wild boar lead to more endangered and extinct animals.
  
• Disease: They’re vectors for dozens of viral diseases, pathogens, and parasites. Some, like hepatitis E and trichinellosis, have infected humans, but wild boar that infect livestock and pets cause more damage.
  
• Water Quality: If wild boar are in the area, they’ll look for water to wallow in. Then they’ll poop in it, churn up the riverbed, harm native aquatic life, reduce oxygen in the water, and make bacteria like E. coli appear in water systems all over the area. Bad!  

We could make this post the length of a book, but we don’t want you to hate these hogs so much that you turn away from the problems they cause.

No, we want you to do something. We want you to get revenge. 

Skin these bastards with no remorse. Cut them down. Protect your country. Help your farmers. Carry their hides as trophies.

Years from now, tell your grandchildren, “When the feral swine invaded these lands, I did my part.” 

Then hand them the Bad Leather Good you purchased today. These are not only spoils of the war against invading hogs, they’re heirloom pieces that only get better with wear.